2 Responses to ride of my life

1. dan says:

   So, I do write, and one of the things that they teach us to do in classes is note what is striking or memorable about the piece in question. I’m mellow this Friday, and I’m certainly no poet, but, here’s what struck me:

   “Cachunk” three times
   cotton candy smiles
   and “cachunk” three times again

   I think those three lines work to put me where you want me to be – on a roller coaster, rolling fast, rolling around.

   Oh, a consideration – if you were to read this aloud, which syllables of the “cachunks” would you emphasize?

   OK, writer dorkiness done now. Happy Friday!

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2. willo says:

   awesome!

   yes, I love the line cotton candy smiles. I also had written some alternate first paragraphs that I liked, but sort of decided on what I posted:

   sparkly lights twinkle as
   the laughter echoes through

   here’s the alternatives:

   sparkly lights twinkle with the laughter of ageless children

   (echoes through just led so well into the cachunks, but i love the phrase ‘laughter of ageless children’)

   another alternative to that was:

   lights twinkle with the sparkling laughter of ageless children

   caCHunK, caCHunK, caCHunK

   Thanks for dorkin’ out w/ me on this! :)

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