why do i fight my emotions?
seriously, i feel like i am soo good at being intimate and loving, but so bad at dealing with my own vulnerability and insecurities. i think that’s because intimacy and love is more in the present, and the present me is a fairly confident, secure person. so those feelings stem from who i am today, but insecurities and all the feelings of fear in vulnerability, all of that stirs up the past… baggage from past relationships, family, etc. ya think?
dammit! relationships are so complicated. or maybe i’m just the complicated one. arg.
:::
addendum: the good news is, i’m willing to look at it & figure it out. one step at a time.
Willo O'Brien published this at 5:19 pm in: Uncategorized ::
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Word. I definitely feel that past/present divide on occasion. Whatever it is, good luck with it.
You’re willing to look at it and figure it out, chica. That’s the only thing that matters.
I’ve been practicing saying “thank you” whenever I start to feel the divide. Triggers and reminders are littke gifts in disguise! They remind me of how awesome I am now and how far I’ve come!~
Interesting horoscope for me:
Today may be a quiet day of introspection that can help you get to the root of an important emotional issue. It isn’t about what comes at you from the outside now, for your psychological patterns can override your current experiences. Don’t run away and hide; you really don’t have to be perfect to make your life run smoother. Try making self-improvement part of your daily routine.
The whole don’t run away & hide thing hits me the strongest on this one. I’m doing my best to not run away… and instead realize that things aren’t perfect sometimes. We’re ALL learning here… and I’m working on it!
We’ve all got our quirks/hang-ups–at least the interesting folks worth knowing do, I think. The important thing is that you are actively doing something about it. Sometimes you gotta struggle a bit to grow. I certainly have my ghosts and have been working on ‘em for many moons. Sure, there may be bad times, but you have to acknowledge/face them rather rather than push them down/ignore them. That’s what I’ve found anyway.